From Bikini to Burqa: My Mind Doesn't Follow the Leap

I watched this video of Jessica Rey,  the swimsuit designer, giving a presentation on the history of the bikini (which at the time of its inception was considered so indecent that the man who designed it had to hire a stripper to model it) and how this type of skimpy swimwear really didn't become acceptable in the mainstream until the sexual revolution. (Which must just be an historical coincidence. Of course there's no way the "free love" era had anything at all to do with a change in public standards of decency...)

We've all heard it: parents, feminists, even the media itself, at times, complain about our culture and how it objectifies women, portraying them as mere sex objects whose worth is wrapped up in ability to prove themselves capable of (sexually) captivating a man. We bash a culture that pushes girls to act and dress provocatively at younger and younger ages, that places emphasis on a woman striving to look sexy above all else, that makes women slaves to fashion's whims and dictates...

... and then someone comes along with some sort of solution. And the response?

 "They're trying to make women revert back to some rigid 19th-century code! Gasp! And then next they're going to force everyone to don burqas at the beach!"

I'm serious. Much of the dialogue (wait - "dialogue?" "Emotional diatribe" would be more like it) I read in and following articles replying to the video had essentially this sort of reasoning: "If Jessica Rey and others like her aren't stopped, we're soon going to be living under some sort of Islamic law! She wants to take away women's freedom to dress and live the way they want!"

Now, seriously. Did any of those people take the time to actually look at her website?

Go ahead, take a look.

Do any of those suits even hint at the burqa-look? Do all the women modelling them look like repressed, bound females? Her suits are very modern, chic and and show off a woman's figure, yet without showing everything.

And honestly? Her message contained nothing about forcing anyone, anywhere, to do anything. She simply wanted people to rethink what has become expected - and to give women an alternative to the idea that they must bare everything and leave nothing to the imagination to be fashionable and attractive.

Oh, yes. The other accusation? That Jessica Rey is somehow blaming women for men's lust. What? Somehow I missed that part. Watched it several times, and didn't actually hear her mention this at all.

She did cite a study about men's brains and their response to women in skimpy costume. That study got a lot of hate mail as well, primarily from women, who still can't seem to accept that men, in spite of years of brainwashing, still have brains wired quite differently than women's. As one reporter put it, she thinks the study just means that there are "deficiencies in some men’s brain functioning."  Take it or leave it, but a woman's body in almost no fabric is inherently sensual in nature, and will be viewed as such by most red-blooded American males. This isn't a statement of blame, just a statement of fact. No one is going to stop her if she wants to be objectified and wants to dress like a skank or wear almost nothing to the pool -  this is a free country after all - but it should be considered by women who might want to ponder that their choices - the choices that their mothers fought for in the 60's and 70's - have consequences, not all of them positive.

And no, I didn't lose the memo - I know flaunted sensuality is indeed perfectly acceptable in today's society - and while I don't think God has changed His mind and blessed this as of yet, let's still call it what it is. And let's also grow up and accept that a woman dressed provocatively (and by that, I mean what is considered provocative by our culture's standards) will be viewed as a sexual object by many, whether or not she wants to be viewed as such. That is the intention of a culture that values perversion and selfish gratification above all else, and that is the intention of a fashion industry that intentionally dresses women the way it does. Choosing to cover up more doesn't mean one need fall into some sort of legalistic trap. It simply means to make a choice, by a quiet action, to refrain from participating in a world that is given over to worship of something that will only be destructive in the end. 

"It's not about covering ourselves because our bodies are bad... it's about covering ourselves to reveal our dignity."

- Jessica Rey

Content No Longer

Spend any amount of time with a group of Christian single people, and I'll often hear the word "contentment." It's well-known - something like,"I would like to be married, but I'm learning to be content in the Lord." It sounds spiritual - even restful. And by no means do we want to discourage people from resting in the Lord! But what does it really mean - and what sort of consequence does this way of thinking have?

CONTEXT

The scripture behind this notion is this one:

"Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. "  

Philippians 4:11-12 

Reading further along we see that Paul was writing about his confidence that God's grace will sustain him, whether or not food and other physical necessities are in great abundance. Take a look at what he says elsewhere:

"If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content. But those who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

1 Timothy 6:8

When Paul talks about contentment, he is talking about being gratefully at rest with what we are given, and not seeking to amass the material wealth the world deems necessary for well-being. There's no possibility he's somehow cryptically alluding to marital status here. It seems strange that verses reminding us that God is responsible for our daily bread would be twisted into a teaching that singles shouldn't be seeking marriage. To twist scripture that way is as irresponsible a use of the Word as a fully able twenty-five year old, living off his parents' goodwill and playing video games all day, going around saying that, sure, he'd like a job, but he's not going to look for one because he's choosing to be content with where he is.

Content - Really?

If, as we single people like to go around saying, we are truly content, in the way that Paul said he was, then this means that, in addition to marriage, we are willing to cheerfully to give up everything that he gave up for the sake of the Gospel; things like eating daily, the financial security of a job, personal belongings, any sort of permanent residence (other than house-arrest), honor and praise of men, physical safety and well-being, personal freedom, and health should all be things that we're willing going go without, since these are all things Paul did without at one time or another.

Are you ready to embrace this lifestyle and be truly content?

What is the Real Reason for Singleness?

It would be far more honest to say, "I really want to get married, and am praying for God to bless me with a spouse, but I am choosing to honor the Lord and ask for His guidance in all the choices I make in dating and meeting people. " But, no, we have to take things the hard way, don't we? We've turned our desire for marriage into something less-than-spiritual, and have to pretend that our single status is something bigger than it is. I'm not trying to bash singleness or those who choose to remain single; I'm just concerned that we're not really walking in truthfulness in our relationship with God or others when it comes to this subject.

I was browsing the web, looking for reasons that Christians cite for singlehood. They all started to sound the same, after a few:  You get to do what you want, go where you want, be who you want, you don't have to think about another person's needs or be completely stuck- ahem! - devoted to just one person. Oh, and, by the way, Paul said a single person is devoted to the Lord without distraction, so even tho all those reasons why singleness is really cool sound kinda fun-centered and maybe even a bit self-centered, you're actually really quite spiritual - after all, Paul said so.

Okay, so they didn't add that last commentary about "you're really quite spiritual" - that was me - but it was taken in the essence of what was said. Fact is, I have not in my lifetime met a single person who is choosing life-long celibacy for the sake of serving the Lord undistractedly. My guess would be that there are few who are called to such a life. Most people desire marriage, and ought not scorn their desire or feel shame about it, thinking it's somehow a lower calling, no matter how unrealistic it seems that such a life is possible. When Adam was alone in the Garden of Eden, with perfect, unhindered fellowship with God, how was it that GOD Himself said, "It's not good for man to be alone!?" Shouldn't Adam have been absolutely fine alone? - he had God there with him, for crying out loud! Heck, he didn't even end up having a perfect marriage - just look at what that wife of his did! - but still, we see, from the beginning marriage was part of God's design for mankind, as imperfect as we all know we are. God said, and never changed His mind: "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it."

So, to get to the meat of it - I'm not content to stay single anymore. There is no minute, not at this point, that I believe God has called me to singleness. 

Yep, I admit it: I fully believe God has called me to be some man's wife, and to have babies and raise children for His Kingdom. I may sound bold, but I'm simply meaning that I've accepted it as an inherent part of my design, a unique part of who I was meant to be. I'm not saying that I'm going to marry the first guy that comes along;  I've already had a chance to do that! I think we need to let go of this fear that if we admit we desire and want to pursue marriage that we'll end up making some stupid mistake. It's not like that at all. I fully admit what I desire - but I realize the LORD has to be the one who brings it about. I am dependent on His mercy, every day. And yes, I am thankful -  so darn absolutely THANKFUL beyond words for the life I get to live right now - and yet still waiting and praying and looking for, in expectation, the man that Jesus would bring into my life. ("Looking for" involves keeping your eyes and heart open, so you can see someone as God sees them. Not hiding in a corner and wondering if your dream of being married is really ok.)

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."

 

The Elephant is Sleeping on the Couch - and No One Says a Word

I was recently reading a lengthy online conversation between some brothers and sisters. The subject? Porn use amongst Christians.

I think it was one of the most transparent, open discussions I've ever seen. A number of young men - and women- were openly sharing about their personal experiences.

One of the brothers (who's now happily married) spilled his story. He had wanted to be married for a long time, but carried around much shame from his past use and dreaded having to tell a girl about his involvement.

And then, after he'd concluded this story, he dropped the bombshell:

"I honestly think it's the 'elephant in the room' when it comes to why so many young Christians are putting off marriage. People talk about lack of maturity, high expectations, lack of leadership, too many options, not enough options, etc.

I think one of the main reasons is that so many Christian guys have used porn to some degree and are too ashamed about it to pursue a girl. End of story."

Wow.

And then, wow again, because I really can't speak much to this issue. It affects me - when one member of the Body suffers, all suffer - but I'm certainly very little qualified to offer much of constructive value in this area.  

But - I do have one thing to ask: what are we being silent for?! The continued silence is deafening. And it allows the devil to continue wreaking havoc in this area.  Does anyone really think that keeping silent and pretending we are "good" Christians is going to help anybody?

My mom always said,"Telling on the devil is half the battle."

And she was always right, too. Sometimes, I've had to go thru a long mental battle to get to a place where I would verbally acknowledge wrong-doing, whether it was against another or against God. It takes a lot of humility to tell someone that you've sinned.

And yet, with the admittance of sin, we stop giving the devil a foothold. The power that we had erroneously given to sin is broken. We are again opened to Lord's Spirit, that He may continue to work His perfecting in us. 

And I want to say, porn isn't just a "guy problem." As I've heard it said, lust, porn, sexual addiction - these are all people problems. People - yes, even God's people, men and women alike, in this age of rampant sensuality worship  - engage in these things and then remain quiet and aloof and sink further and further into destruction and devastation. Why do we give Satan this power? Jesus shed His blood and conquered death! He has overcome the world, and we are to be free - slaves no longer to sin but to righteousness! (Romans 6.) Yet our silence allows us to continue the stronghold. Our silence slowly kills as death overtakes us. O that we would speak up, that we would no longer continue in shame and condemnation. O that we would allow His light would to expose the deeds of darkness! O that we would allow His freedom to overtake us, and the bonds of sin shattered! 

 "Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed." 

-James 5:16

 

To Lock Oneself Away?

Yes, when you protect yourself, lock yourself in a house, close all the shutters and never venture out, you are protected. Protected from the sleet, the cold, the howling, gnawing wind, the blizzard and the chaos.

And you're also protected from gentle summer rain, the greenness of the awakening spring, the vast bright blue sky, the autumn breeze, the sunshine that heals the body and warms the soul.

Is it really worth it to shut yourself away? To swear self-protection, to say, "Never again will I allow myself to be hurt by another?"

Sometimes when we start to think other people are the enemy, we put up defenses that don't belong there in the first place. We then begin to believe that we are our own defense - that our sufficiency, our well-being lies in our own hands.

And then we miss out on the blessings that the Lord would pour out on us.

We miss out on the fellowship, kinship and encouragement of others when He brings them in our lives.

We miss out on seeking HIM to be our refuge and strength.

We miss out on the Beauty and the Joy of delighting ourselves in HIM, and the joy in having others share in this with us.

We miss out on rest that can only come from HIM.

We miss out on seeing that salvation can only come from HIM.

O, how we miss out on so much!

May we never seek to be our own source of protection. May we ever know that only HE can protect and defend.

My soul, wait in silence for God only.

For my hope is from Him.

He only is my Rock and my Salvation;

My Stronghold,

I shall not be greatly shaken.

On GOD my Salvation and my Glory, the Rock of my strength,

My refuge is in GOD.

Trust in HIM at all times, O people.

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us.

Selah.

( Psalm 62 )