The Life of a Nomad

In honor of my last day on the farm, our hosts gave all of us an hour early off work and took us to visit the Kauri trees.

We stopped first at Waipoua Forest to see "Tane Mahuta," supposedly the largest known kauri tree known. It's also very old - about 2,000 years.

We picked up a couple of guys from France who were hitchhiking, and invited them to come home with us. They are backacking their way around New Zealand for a year.  (Now that would be the way to travel!)

They joined us for a walk around the Trounson Kauri park. It's a beautiful, mysterious forest. 

The kauri trees are impressive in size!

I'd decided to leave the farm a few days early, so I could do some sightseeing on the east coast. I might not be in this part of NZ again, so I wanted to make the most of it. 

 I started my holiday-within-a-holiday in Dargaville, Northland, where I had a few hours to kill before the bus came. 

Trusty backpack along, of course. (My backpack is a story in itself - found it randomly several years ago at a thrifstore for $6. Knew it would come in handy someday, and saved in good faith.)

My first destination was Whangerei, where my friends' sister Lea warmly welcomed me and had invited me to stay. I had a few hours to kill, so I walked along the wharf.

I fell into conversation with a German couple freshly arrived to New Zealand and at the start of their hitch-hiking adventure. "I always run into Germans here!" I told them. "And you are the first American we've met here," they told me. I too noticed that I hadn't met too many people from US backpacking around New Zealand.

Next morning was a quick stop at Whangerei Falls, before I had to catch my bus to reach my next destination.

Paihia.

I really had no idea of what to expect except that I'd heard the Bay of Islands was not to be missed. At the bus stop, I chatted with an older lady from England, who had come back to NZ to see all the places she'd missed when she'd hitch-hiked around 30 years prior, and a young man from Korea, who at twenty was just out of high school and taking a tour of NZ before he has to fulfill his mandatory military service. (He seemed impressed that I had some very minimal knowledge of K-pop and that I am a fan of K-Dramas.) 

I checked into my hostel, run by YHA, and slept for the next four hours. (The nice thing about travelling alone: you can do whatever you want, even if that includes taking a long nap.) The season was just starting, so the hostel was relatively quiet, and I had my four-bed hostel room to myself that night. Lovely.

The next morning I took off for the Haruru Falls track, which started a half hour's walk outside of town towards Waitangi. I passed the Waitangi Treaty grounds, a place of historical interest but one I didn't have time for his day. I was on a mission.

 

 

The track was amazing, full of ferns and tree ferns and plants I couldn't identify, and even a mangrove swamp.

 

 

 

 

By the time I'd reached the waterfall at the end of the track, it was raining pretty steadily (which is why one brings a waterproof jacket wherever one goes in New Zealand.)

 

I walked barefoot along the beach on the way back.  (By this time the rain had cleared away.)

 

 

 

After my four hours walk, I decided it was time to treat myself to a massage. Ahhh... that's my kind of holiday.

That evening, a lot of people had arrived at the hostel, and the kitchen was bustling. Kitchen time is friend-making time at hostels. I met my room-mates (Canadian and German) and the first American  I'd come across at a hostel (a guy from California.) 

 

 

Lisa (also from Canada) and I stayed up late, talking and laughing at the kitchen table about books and random Canadian tv shows and American politics and such.

 

 

 

The next morning was time to leave, but I left feeling relaxed and refreshed, thankful for my time there. Paihia is such a quiet, nice little town, I imagine living there would feel like an endless holiday. I'll have to go back someday.

 

I'll have to go back someday. 

Why I Travel

Travel isn't about the destination, it's about the people you meet along the way.

Wherein, I Get to Pretend to Be A Farmer (in Middle Earth, No Less)

First full day on the farm, and I've got my feet wet - as well as the rest of me. While making a (so I thought) clear leap for it across part of the boggy, wet ground by the pond I -splat!- fell right flat on my stomach into the mucky water. Quite a way to make a splash.

I also today had the most shocking experience of my life yet: leaning in too close to the electric fence. Not bad for my first day's work. 

I'm at Clare and Donald's farm in Northland on the west coast (and, yes, you can see the coast from the hill on a clear day.) They raise beef cattle, which in New Zealand are entirely pasture-raised. On this 500 acre farm, the cattle are routinely moved to a new paddock to graze. 


Also dwelling here are their son Richard, and Monique, who is a WWOOFer from Germany (and my age - most WWOOFers seem to be younger.) She has been in New Zealand for 6 months, twice as long as I'm planning to stay here.


Today, Richard, Monique and I pulled up ragwort and thistles out of one of the lower paddocks, to help control the those weeds and prevent them from overgrowing. 

Then we pitched them in large tanks, where they will decompose and turn into a juice, which is in turn sprayed on the fields to discourage further growth of weeds.  Donald explained a bit about the theory behind why the very juice of weeds would discourage the further growth of weeds. Fascinating. 

(Everything is done as sustainably as possible here, to help promote the health of the soil, which then in turn promotes the health of the cattle, so no synthetic pesticides are used.)

Something I was thrilled to learn about New Zealand: beef and lamb in stores here is pasture raised, without synthetic hormones. So different than the way things are done in the States. Clare and Donald were in shock when I told them a bit about the beef industry, and the CAFOs, back home. 

"Why would they feed them grain?" Clare kept asking me. 

"It's all about the money," I said.

The most incredible part of this farm (besides the fact that I'm going to learn a lot about sustainable agriculture): the views. 


These are million - no, gazillion - dollar views. With every step I take, I am in renewed amazement at what splendor God has created. For miles on end, no matter where you turn, nothing but the green rolling hills and mountains are in sight. 

My camera, of course, failed to adequately capture the majesty. Of course, you can't really imagine how awe-inspiring it all is, until you are actually standing at the top of the hill taking in the valley.

This morning on my walk, as I gazed upon the scene below me, I got the sudden urge to belt out "The Sound of Music." 

I didn't resist.

Inconvenience, Rightly Considered

"An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered." 

I may be favorably biased toward any quote of Chesterton's but this is a statement filled with truth, regardless.

I was reminded of this bit of Chesterton wisdom last week, when I had to navigate the Austin metro bus system. 

Now, that might seem fairly insignificant, but for this country girl, that was an entirely new experience. I have never taken a metro bus anywhere. Ever.

My adventure started out while I waited at the bus stop. The south-bound bus stop. I watched the northbound bus I was supposed to catch as it passed by. 

When the next northbound bus stopped by and, I, safely on the correct side of the street this time and therefore able to board, got on, I had a new revelation: one is supposed to have the exact change to purchase a ticket. Who would've thought? The bus driver patiently waited while I fumbled in my purse for coins, dollar bills flying about out and falling everywhere to the ground.

He kindly took my offering of $1.08, saying it was okay this time (even though I was 16 cents short.) 

I got off at 4th and Lavaca to transfer to my second bus. All I could think of was that I was relieved I was on 4th Street, rather than 6th Street, walking alone downtown in Austin on a Saturday nite.

I realized I still needed change for the next bus. I espied a little coffee shop/bar on the street corner and figured it looked like a promising place to beg for change. 

Once I entered, I recalled how thirsty I was, having waited in the heat earlier. It was a toss-up between it and some of the tantalizing herbal teas they offered, but I finally chose the mango smoothie. Good choice. I paused for a moment, letting my senses savor enjoying my delightful beverage and the place's ambiance. And the music. (I always judge whether a coffee shop is worth a return visit based on its music.)

Then it was off to the next bus stop. Except, it wasn't there. Not at 4th and San Antonio like it was supposed to be. 

I finally decided one of these expert bus-takers would be able to help me, so I walked to the closest crowded bus stop. "I don't live here" and "No hablo Englais" were the commonest responses, but I finally hit on a local. "It should be there," he assured me. "Keep walking and you should see it almost directly across from the eastbound bus stop."

With this encouragement, I was newly determined to find it. And I did... the sign was nicely covered up by construction signs. A kind couple stopped and asked me if I was okay (they'd evidently noticed my confused expression and aimless wandering.)

Then another thought struck me: I'd gotten quarters at the coffee shop but didn't have any dollar bills left. I still didn't have correct change! At this point, it was close to sunset. I looked up the street. Some sort of boutique grocery seemed to be the only thing open. So I took off for it. The cashier gladly gave me change - not sure if it was because it was the end of day or because my puppy dog eyes had an effect on him, but it worked. 

"Thanks!" I said as I dashed off, and ran the block or two back to my bus stop... just as my bus was about to take off from the stop. I waved and he stopped when he saw me. I got on, breathless. "I'm glad to catch you!" The bus driver seemed non-plussed. Long day I suppose. 

I was his only passenger, and he had just passed the bus stop I needed, when I realized the bus doesn't stop at every stop. Go figure. "Oh, I needed that stop," I told him. "You have to pull the cord," he replied. He probably thought I was crazy, but how was I supposed to know? He let me off at the next stop, which wasn't too much past the other, and I called Nancy to let her know I'd finally arrived (albeit, an hour and half later than she'd originally expected me.)

It seem so often, that when plans get mixed up or things go wrong or differently than I expect they should, I get stressed out or become frustrated. But during this entire scenario, Chesterton's quote kept coming to mind. "This is an adventure," I kept thinking, "and I will make it to my goal eventually, one way or another."  There was nothing lost from the "inconvenience" (if it could be called that) other than time (and that's often over-rated.)

I gained a lot from that Saturday evening bus trip, though. First, how to navigate metro bus systems. And secondly, how to just enjoy the journey - even if it takes a few unexpected turns.

I've Landed in Texas

Ever since I landed in Austin on July 4th, I seem to have hit the ground running. Non-stop.

My friend Thomas met me (hey, it's not every day a soon-to-be famous author picks you up from the airport!) and over taco salad at Whole Foods (so Austin-y) he told me how the very land the building was standing on used to belong to his family, generations ago. He comes from a long, long lineage of native Texas settlers. 

(If there's one thing I've noticed about true blue Texans, it's the sort of pride that comes with being able to say their family has dwelt here virtually forever.)

Then it was off to a 4th of July party, Texas style, at Thomas' family's ranch, replete with shooting, burgers from the ranch's grass-fed cattle, and lots of big sparkly fireworks. (On the way, I had asked him what sort of family he'd describe his as. "Have you seen the Godfather?" he asked me. "We're that family." I'm sure my face was priceless, especially as we were swinging by his apartment to pick up guns and ammo. :P )

The party was the perfect immersion into my first hours in Texas, meeting lots of lovely people and exchanging phone numbers with the hopes of spending future time with all my new friends.

It was an especial treat to meet Thomas' sister, Cynthia, knowing that she had spent some time living/backpacking in New Zealand. (How wonderfully coincidental can you get, as I am landing there in a few months?) She is an absolute doll - and definitely a kindred spirit. We got to exchange travel stories and I got some helpful tips.

I crashed that night at Thomas and Cynthia's, followed by a morning of a peaceful contemplation watching birds and squirrels on their back deck and then a beautiful walk on a nearby hiking trail that Cynthia led me to. (This is what I love about Austin most - even in the heart of the city, trees and nature flourish abundantly everywhere you turn.)

After the walk, we were greeted to a yummy Paleo (aka Abigail-friendly) breakfast of grass fed beef stir-fried with all kinds of veggies, specially made thanks to Chef Thomas. Now that's what I call hospitality.

Sunday afternoon brought me to the place I will largely be calling "home" for the next few months. My friend Erin and her family, her sister and sister's family, and the grandparents all live on the property here. I was greeted by a pool full of children - after changing into my swimsuit and jumping in, the number had swelled to eleven kids, all of them showing me their tricks and asking me to watch them do their breast strokes and back strokes. It feels like a continual resort here, with the pool just a step away, and the gorgeous eight acres of land surrounding the families' homes.

I love my little room sequestered off the garage, that I have been given in exchange for a few hours' childcare each week. It's like tiny house living. In the mornings I get to enjoy my breakfasts al fresco, cooking on the patio kitchen, and I have a little creature living just outside my doorstep - an adorable, fat toad, whom I've christened "Toady" (original, I know.)

My "adopted family" (Peter and Alisa) live upstairs, and I've bonded with their four children already - six year old Haddie who is my little helper, three year old Asa who can melt my heart with his constant sunny smile, two year old Alma who wants to do everything her brother does and keeps up pretty well, and five month old Beth, who is the chunkiest baby I 've ever seen (like a mini Sumo wrestler.) Many of my weekdays (and the past couple days already) will be spent watching and playing with them for a few hours, so their mama can have a break and run errands. Precious.

Monday I met with a friend from Guatemala, who happened to be visiting Austin for a few days. As I was telling him about my adventures for the next five months, how I will be living out of a backpack both here and in New Zealand, not knowing what will come about one day from the next, he smiled and said, " God will provide for you, Abigail." He knows about God's provision, his full-time job taking him to mountain villages in Guatemala, where they reach out to street children, providing food, education, and medical care. He himself, living a similar lifestyle I now am, had so many stories of God's unexpected provision.

Since I got here, I've been continuously introduced to others as a "missionary." At first I tried to counter that, but you know what? I like that term, I really do. Too often we think of a "missionary" as someone who fulfills a specific task in a specific place under the auspices of an organization. But really, we all are called to be Salt and Light, aren't we? I have always considered myself a missionary wherever I find myself, whether travelling abroad or at home. Wherever I go, I bring Jesus - and I offer Him to all who are open.

The journey has just begun.

Church, It’s Time to Separate From the State

Given a lot of the more conservative media outcry against the Supreme Court’s recent ruling, it would seem the institute of marriage, as well as the Church’s well-being itself, is completely at the mercy of whatever the US government decides it believes.

The problem is, by launching into such an outcry, we are actually agreeing with the government, not dissenting.

By giving such credence to what the Supreme Court decides, we ally ourselves with the government’s assertion that it has a right to all the power it claims.

In order to think that the government has the ultimate power or authority to define marriage or anything else, we must first necessarily believe that it is the ultimate authority and power on Earth.

Reality check: who is in charge here?

The apostle Paul describes government as having a responsibility to reward good and punish evil.

We’ve confused the issue here – we’ve gone beyond that, and are saying, essentially, that government has a recognizable right to determine what is evil, and to decide what is good.

Sorry, they don’t get to make the rules.

They only get to enforce them.

By ceding so much power and authority to a human-made, self-seeking government, we run the risk of replacing God and His rightful role with a carnal, human, transitory power.

God’s Kingdom and the kingdom of the world are two entirely separate entities.

While the kingdoms of the world can’t exist without God’s permission, the Kingdom of God exists outside and above any human power or authority. His Kingdom does not require permission from human kingdoms to flourish.

Too often, we sadly seem to confuse the two.

The US government is not an agent of God’s Kingdom.

Nor can it be expected to be so.

Sure, it can act as an agent of God’s judgment, if God wills.

But it can never oversee the sacred things of God, nor can it be expected to. Nor should it be allowed to. That would be handing it over power that it cannot rightfully wield.

It is carnal and earthly. The flesh cannot comprehend the Spirit, nor such mystical things as the union of a man and his wife.

The Church, however, is born of the Spirit.

It exists outside of the realm of earthly kingdoms.

It exists without governments’ permission or control.

It is an entity entirely separate from the State.

We, as God’s people, are not defined by the State.

We do not exist with permission from the State.

We do not have our well-being from the State.

We do not find our identity in the State.

We do not look to the State to teach us right from wrong.

No matter what the State does or says.

We are aliens and strangers.

We aren’t citizens of this world.

We are citizens of the Kingdom.

God’s Kingdom.

Not the United States.

This is just a temporary kingdom.

When God establishes His rule and reign on Earth, we will all know it.

And He won’t use human governments to take over.

He will just TAKE OVER.

The power and authority called “The United States of America” will eventually fade.

To derive any of our value from it is fleeting.

Let us therefore put our trust in God, the true Source of life, and not governments. 

Regardless of anything that the kingdoms of the world may do, they aren't omnipotent.

He is.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

John 16:33 

Why What Bruce Jenner Does Doesn't Matter

The latest buzz in the media and in my facebook feed seems to be about transgender people: what they've gone through and how society responds to them. And the ultimate, definitive Christian response to it all.


Has the world gone crazy?

Yes.

Has it always been crazy?

Yes.

Which is why this whole issue makes me mostly want to kind of shrug and then yawn.

What else is new?

I guess you'll have to wait until transgender surgery starts being preached from pulpits before I get all hot under the collar about this topic.

Because what really concerns me is not that insanity is touted in the world as commendable.

Rather it's that insanity in the Church is touted by the Church as passable.

Abortion. Sexual abuse. Idolatry. Worship of everything from televangelists to Big Pharma to destructive military campaigns that take innocent life. Lying, backbiting, and gossip.

Things that are either tolerated if not outright promoted by the Church.

And if what I've said is suddenly offensive, the question is "why?"

Why is it that we seem so awfully quick to pass negative judgement on what the world does, yet seemingly so slow to pass negative judgement when the same kind of destructive behavior goes on in the Church?

Don't we have it backwards?

This is exactly the opposite of what Paul said:

"I wrote you in my letter not to associate with immoral people; I did not at all mean with the immoral people of this world, or with the covetous and swindlers, or with idolaters, for then you would have to go out of the world." (1 Corinthians 5:9-10)

In other words, chill out, people. We live in the world. We're going to associate with immoral people, and that's okay. We can still treat them with basic human respect, as they are human beings made in God's image.

However-

"But now, I write to you not to associate together if any man called brother is an immoral person, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or a swindler—not even to eat with such a one. "

Wow, Paul. Harsh.

"Not to eat with such a one?" Are you kidding, Paul? That's judgmental!

Exactly. It is.

"For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Do you not judge those who are within?"

Wait, Paul. Wait! Didn't you hear Jesus' words about not judging?

"Do not judge, and you will not be judged; and do not condemn, and you will not be condemned; pardon, and you will be pardoned." (Luke 6.:37)

This oft-quoted passage is in Luke 6. However, the context is conveniently ignored. It is when Jesus is talking about loving our enemies and responding with righteousness to evil people. It's pretty ironic that we don't offer this sort of "no judging, no condemning" grace to ungodly people, but only bring it up when someone in the Church gets caught in immorality.

 And just a few verses later, Jesus talks about the speck in your brother's eye: 

"How can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me take out the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the log that is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take out the speck that is in your brother’s eye." (Luke 6:42)

Notice that Jesus never says, "Don't ever concern yourself about the speck in your brother's eye." He's not saying, don't ever judge that what your brother is doing is wrong. He's saying, don't be a hypocrite.  Make sure your eye is clear before you correct your brother. By the standard that you judge, you will also be judged.

This is reinforced in what Paul says:

"You who preach that one shall not steal, do you steal? You who say that one should not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? You who boast in the Law, through your breaking the Law, do you dishonor God? For 'THE NAME OF GOD IS BLASPHEMED AMONG THE GENTILES BECAUSE OF YOU,' just as it is written." (Romans 2:21-24)

Wow, Paul. Tone down the harsh words. You're being judgmental again. All this harsh stuff about how God's character is blasphemed when we preach His word in vain. 

But in Corinthians 5, responding to the gross immorality that was being allowed in the Church at Corinth, Paul continues in the same vein, with more judging:

"It is actually reported that there is immorality among you, and immorality of such a kind as does not exist even among the Gentiles, that someone has his father’s wife. You have become arrogant and have not mourned instead, so that the one who had done this deed would be removed from your midst. For I, on my part, though absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged him who has so committed this, as though I were present."
  
At the end of chapter five he says this:

"Do you not judge those who are within? But those who are outside, God judges. REMOVE THE WICKED MAN FROM AMONG YOURSELVES."

Conclusion: 

We need to stop worrying about what the world does.

The world is always going to be the world, and it's not our job to judge it.  

That's God's job.

The Church however - it is imperative that we judge within it. That we concern ourselves with what goes on amidst our brethren. It is crucial. Too many people have been devoured, hurt and rent to pieces already. Too many of God's people have been deceived and led astray by the deceitfulness of sin. It's time for that to stop.

It's time for us to start judging and discerning properly, within the realms of authority we are called to. And if anyone lacks wisdom which is needed to discern properly, he can ask God and God will give it to him. (James 1:5.) When will we get this?

What goes on inside the Church is NOT just "God's business." It is ours. It is OUR Body, because we are members of it. When one member suffers, all suffer. When one member is bent on harming or hurting the others, all suffer. A little leaven leavens the whole lump.

Jesus said, it is not the things that are outside the body that defile the body, but the things which come from within, and manifest outwardly.

The same holds true for the Church Body as well.

We seem bent on fighting the "evil" forces in the world, but all too willing to turn a blind eye to evil in our midst.

The world can't destroy the Church. The world, as influential as it is, doesn't have that kind of power. The Church is doing a good enough job of that on its own.

Is Singleness an Idol?

I opened a box of one of my old book collections, figuring it was still in there.

Yep, uh, huh.

Slightly dust-covered, page edges a bit mis-colored, but otherwise no worse for wear.

My old copy of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, in one piece, my name and the date I'd acquired it scrawled in pencil on the front page boldly declaring ownership.

Idle curiosity, and perhaps in that idle curiosity, a lingering question about what exactly had compelled me to, for so many years, build much of my life around the philosophy expounded on in that book, prompted me to crack open the pages that had so long laid shut.

The words lept up and hit my eyes; words popping out on nearly every page and burning onto my retinas.

Purposeful singleness. 

Season of singleness.

Singleness, glorious singleness on every page.

My stomach wrenched and I started feeling nauseous.

I couldn't read more; I closed the book.

"Don't Rush"

I heard this all the time, from women my mom's age (and not just when I was still a mere slip of a girl , either, mind.)

"Don't rush. Take your time. Don't let a guy ruin it. Focus on other things in life."

Rush? Rush in to what, exactly?

I'm in my late twenties. While I do have some twenty-something friends who are married, I still have plenty of friends who are my age, and also in their thirties, and forties, and, yes, even fifties who have never been married (but still readily admit a desire to be married.)

I have to wonder what all this "rush" is that everyone keeps talking about. 'Cause I really don't see this massive stampede toward the married state or anything.

Seems like it's become the norm (in our society) to wait to marry 'til one is well past thirty. Somehow, this is not just the reality of society, but also encouraged in society, and in the church culture as well. Spend your twenties, when sexual energy and fertility are at their peak, building your career, getting schooling, travelling the world, involved in ministry and... well, marriage is then, you know, something you can "settle down" to when you're well into your thirties, after you've experienced all life has to offer and when middle-age and perimenopause are just around the corner.

Yeah. Makes a lot of sense. There's definitely wisdom in waiting 'til your twenties have passed to marry. I'm not sure what or where the wisdom in it all is, exactly, but considering plenty of people are espousing it, it must be beneficial somehow... right?

Marriage = idolatry?

Don't get me wrong here. 

I'm not wishing my life were any different than what it has been. 

Thus to this point, my life has been an amazing journey with Jesus, and anything besides dull. He's taken me on so many adventures that I never thought I'd go on, led me into experiences I never dreamed I'd get to have. I've lived in places I never planned to, and have visited places I never expected to see. His hand is clearly etched on every page of the annals of my life. Every single page.

But, still, I find myself wondering: Is this the life we were meant to have? 

Is this really the way God designed us? to spend our twenties exploring the world, making that a priority over establishing and building families? I look around me, and I'm not the exception - I'm the norm. There was a time once when a woman my age and still unmarried would've practically been considered an old maid.  Once upon a time, people got married practically right out of highschool. Became adults, and took on adult responsibilities very early in life. The world we live in is very different now than it used to be. 

I look at myself, and those around me, and all I can think is, Boy, we aren't growing up very fast, are we?

I've  heard it argued that singleness is for God's purposes. But just how exactly is it purposed for God's glory? I don't think there's some mysterious "spiritual" benefit to all this, that somehow extended single-hood "proves" you are "sold-out" for God. I've heard it said, that if extended singleness were really, truly about building God's Kingdom, an epic spiritual revival would've already swept the nation a long, long time ago.

Which makes it all the more confusing when I sometimes hear (well-meaning?) people refer to our universal desire for marriage as an "idol." Really? Somehow I missed this - somehow I thought an idol was something that we put more time, energy and focus into serving than we do serving and loving God.

If idolatry were actually the case here, then I don't think we'd know too many single people - they would've sacrificed dreams, reality, and reason long ago and just jumped up and married the first random willing person who walked by.

I don't really think that's the problem we have here.

In fact, might we actually have a propensity to idolize and hold above other things, the single status? These days, there's not much encouragement or advice to marry. There is, however, more than an abundance of incentive and counsel to eschew or delay marriage.

I kissed what goodbye?

Which circles me back to my visceral reaction to the terms purposeful and single, used so often as twins, two inseparable peas in a pod, in so many of the popular books written for single people.

  
My real problem with that old, former favorite of mine, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, is the punctuated emphasis on singleness. Extended singleness. The entire theme of the book, if you look at it right, is really, Focus on serving God in your "season of singleness."

Which sounds good. I mean, why wouldn't we want to serve God with every aspect of our lives?

But wait; hold on.

"Season of singleness?"

Is that even a Biblical concept?

Last time I checked Scripture, it didn't say anything about there being this special spiritual period, lasting from puberty to about age twenty-five or thirty, where you focus exclusively on "serving God," before getting married. You either are called to singleness (which is a status that lasts your whole life, 'cause it's a special gift from God) or you're not. There is no in-between or "best of both worlds" situation. You're not called for a season. You're called for a lifetime or you're not. That's it.

And I'd venture to say, considering how God has biologically wired us, and considering the desires He's given us, and considering what He said in the beginning - "It is not good for man to be alone - I will make a helper in sight of him" - that singleness is not what He called most of us to.

If that's the case, then... why are we here? Why so many single people?

And, I have to say, I don't know. At least, I can't give a nice packaged response to that question, nor can I delve into that subject without writing another one thousand words, expounding on the spirit of the age and the sexual revolution and our own personal choices and a whole lotta other things.

But I sure know we're not helping at all with our emphasis and encouragement and praise of the single life.

We're not helping the single people; we're hurting them.

So now what?

Instead of discouraging the institution of marriage (that God created) we ought to be honoring it.

Instead of telling the eighteen or twenty-year old, "You're too young to be thinking about marriage; you need to focus this period of your life on serving the Lord, or getting through college," we ought to be encouraging healthy, God-honoring relationships.

Instead of telling single people they just need to be content and place energy solely into all other areas of life, we ought to be helping them build towards the day when they will be establishing a family of their own.

Instead of giving cause to make people feel guilt or shame for their God-given desire to marry, we ought to be praising God that He has given us this earthly picture of how the relationship between Christ and His Church works.

Instead of discounting or diminishing the value of something that is God-created, we ought to start thanking Him for what He made, and viewing it as His gift.

Instead of making up words that sound good but that Jesus actually never said and putting them into His mouth, we ought to start listening to what He's actually saying.

Marriage is an important goal. Not the ultimate goal - we know that knowing Jesus is the ultimate goal.

However, we need to recover from this tendency we have to emphasize singleness, placing it on a higher plane than it ought to be.

Let's go back to the way God designed things.